Five Easy Steps to Keeping a “Youthful” Appearance **
1. NEVER wash your make up off. Leaving it on at night simply saves you time in the mornings, AND gives you 15 minutes of extra sleep. This also saves you money, since you are merely refreshing your make up each day.
2. Speaking of sleep, go to bed NO EARLIER than midnight. A maximum of 6 hours of sleep is plenty. Anything more and you’re wasting daylight. Side effects may include a narcoleptic-like existence…you get used to it.
3. Eat like a toddler. As in, grab the left-overs off their plates as you are cleaning up their mess. This will sustain you most days until you eye the Easter candy and nearly put yourself into a diabetic coma.
4. Milk baths. I like to use Similac Sensitive…but only AFTER it has been consumed by the 5 month old. Then and only then will you benefit from its therapeutic effects.
5. Take short showers. Don’t over hydrate your skin by taking a shower longer than 5 minutes. 3 minutes is sufficient to remove the residue from aforementioned milk baths. Besides, your children can (and will) do more damage during your 5 minute shower than three days worth of supervision.
If you follow these simple steps you can also look as rested, refreshed and youthful as me!
**Clearly, this is not an actual recommended regimen.
The Ballard Five 
It appears you really were paying attention to me all those years. Best of all, not only will this contribute to a youthful appearance (NOT) but you’ll not regret the time saved for your little ones. I promise!!
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It seems that I already have #1 & #3 mastered
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