Dear Mom,
You may not be a part of the Ballard five, but I want you to know that you play a LARGE role! There are so many ways you are integrated into our lives each and every day. You see, you taught me how to be a mom and so your methods and ways have trickled down to my family. From something as mundane as the way I paint my nails to the way I can make a kick-ass dinner for my family, it all has a piece of you in it. I clean my house like you clean yours, I rock my babies the same way you rocked us and sometimes I even talk like you. Yes, I admit, I hear your words coming out of my mouth all the time. When we were growing up, you advocated for us, accepted our quirks, disciplined us and loved us. Oh, how you loved us (and still do)! I’ve been watching and learning for 33 years and even though I no longer live in your house, I continue to learn from you. I suspect I always will because there are many things I’ve yet to master that you do so effortlessly.
I know that this is going to be a hard Mother’s Day for you. It is your first without your own mother. I can’t begin to imagine the void you are going to feel all day while everyone around you celebrates.I will be celebrating YOU but also grieving with you. You don’t know this but the GREATEST lesson you have taught me was in her final time here. You spent the last few years of Grandma’s life helping her and caring for her in such a selfless way, and I want you to know that it did not go unnoticed by me. You sacrificed, sleep, work, time with your children, time with your grandchildren, your own health, and I’m sure your sanity to a degree, all to make her last years the best they could be. She didn’t want to go to a nursing home, and you (with the help of some beloved care takers and a few of your siblings) were able to make that happen for her. The weekends you spent at her house caring for her so that she could stay in her own home were long, inconvenient, and sometimes boring. And I know you wouldn’t trade a thing for that time spent with her. You have apologized to me before for all of the things you missed with my girls in the past few years. Don’t be sorry. Rest assured that the lessons they learned from seeing you take care of Grandma, DOING THE RIGHT THING, far surpasses any barbeque, ball game, or movie night you might have missed. You were doing exactly what you needed to be doing. You were taking care of the woman who raised you. She gave birth to you, sacrificed for you, fed you, clothed you, did without for you, lost sleep for you, ached when you ached, cried when you were hurt, rocked you to sleep, and was your biggest fan…she was there for you no matter what, and in the end, you returned that favor for her. What a blessing for you to be able to give her that gift, and more importantly, that you recognized this and stepped up to the plate, when turning away or ignoring her cries would have been an easier road to take.
I don’t know if you see it or not, but you are more like her than you think. She was kind, generous, and loved her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren beyond measure. She was a “fire-cracker”, was independent and didn’t let people push her around either. All wonderful qualities, in an even more wonderful woman that I am honored to call “Grandma”. Sophie, Lilly and Evelyn get those qualities and more in you, Nana. Grandma may be gone this year, but she lives on in you. She will live on in me, and she will live on in the three little girls who say a “special prayer” for “Old Grandma” every night. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! Thanks for teaching me life’s greatest lesson. (And to cook…that has certainly come in handy).
My Mom and Grandma.
The Ballard Five 
I am at a loss for words.
LikeLike
😘 might be the first time it was NOT because of some shenanigans….
LikeLike
I am in tears reading this… How beautifully written and how unbelievably true…as an outsider looking in I find myself so envious of your family and how amazing your mom (and dad) are with you and your girls…I know you are right Amanda and your girls watched how your mom took care of her precious mom and learned more than they even realize about how families take care of each other. Happy Mother’s Day to both of you!
LikeLike
Beautifully written Amanda. Your mom is a special person, and I am glad to call her my friend.
LikeLike